yes. i went there...because my ears never cease to amaze me.

i'm now at 9/16" and plan to have a goal size of 5/8". who knew?!

i like stretching because it's body modification, without a lot of the hassle of going to a shop and getting work done. and, it's small subtle changes over time.

of course. i still wanna strip my hair of the black and dye it red tonight...but i'm trying to resist the urge.

because heavily inked people need to be stigmatized MORE.



Strictly Embargoed until 15th July 2008, 19.01 hours EST

Contact:

Jennifer Beal

+44 (0) 1243 770633

+44 (0) 7802 468863

wbnewseurope@wiley.com





Forensic Patients with Tattoos More Likely to have Antisocial Personality Disorder

Research news from the journal Personality and Mental Health



The presence of tattoos on forensic psychiatric inpatients should alert clinicians to a possible diagnosis of Antisocial Personality Disorder (ASPD), and also about the potential for histories of suicide attempt, substance abuse, and sexual abuse, according to research published today in Personality and Mental Health.



ASPD is a mental disorder characterised by several psychological and behavioural phenomena, including a lack of empathy and remorse, a low tolerance for anxiety, and shallowness. People with ASPD prefer action to thought, and pathological lying, cheating, stealing, physical aggression and drug abuse are not uncommon. To be diagnosed with ASPD, the individual must have developed this behaviour before the age of 15, and as such is qualitatively different from the idea of a scheming, dishonest business person or politician, unless the behaviour began earlier in life.



For this research, 36 male inpatients of a maximum-security state forensic psychiatric facility were studied by psychiatrists from the Michigan Center for Forensic Psychiatry (CFP). Around half of the subjects had been admitted because they were found to be unfit to stand trial and the other half had been found not guilty by reason of insanity.



Of the patients studied, 15 had tattoos and 17 were diagnosed as having ASPD. Of those with tattoos, 11 of 15, or 73%, had ASPD, whereas only 6 of 21, or 29%, of those without tattoos had the same diagnosis. The research also uncovered an increased likelihood for those with tattoos to have previously suffered from sexual abuse, abused substances or to have attempted suicide.



“Our findings suggest that forensic psychiatric inpatients with tattoos are significantly more likely to suffer from ASPD than those without tattoos, and patients with ASPD were also significantly more likely to have higher numbers of tattoos, a larger percentage of their body covered with tattoos, and tended to have tattoos in more visible locations” said lead researcher Dr. William Cardasis, of CFP, Michigan. “I hope that this provides clues for clinicians to look for ASPD in forensic psychiatric patients with tattoos, and also to look for signs of suicide attempt, substance abuse, and sexual abuse.”



“One should keep in mind that the population studied was only a small segment of the population, and not indicative of what may or may not be relevant in the general population” added Cardasis. “Other interesting questions which this research raises include whether adolescents with tattoos are more likely to conduct disorder than those without, and what effect the meaning and subject content of the tattoo has.”



________________________________________________________________

This study is published in the July 2008 issue of Personality and Mental Health.

so, some of you have seen this already. some haven't. below is a myspace message correspondence for your enjoyment. i have no other words.



myspace.com/dzdproductions
Date:
May 8, 2008 7:23
Subject: Hey Torrey
Body:

Hey, I'm David Becks and we're looking for some staff members/models. You seem really open-minded, creative, and fun so I figured I'd throw the opportunity your way No experience is required :]

We compensate at $50 per shoot-which you can schedule as you please. So if you're interested, just reply back to this message. Most of my models are in NYC, but I figured, why not go local? I will provide you with the details upon request.

-David Becks

Date:
May 15, 2008 5:58 AM
Subject:
RE: Hey Torrey
Body:
Hi David,

Sorry it took me so long to reply. I appreciate your offer, but can you give me more details? What sort of production do you do? And what do the shoots entail? I'm definitely interested, I just need some more information about what your company does exactly. I see you work with different mediums and that's great, but what exactly are the final products?

Thanks,
Torrey

Date:
May 15, 2008 9:10 AM Subject:
RE: Hey Torrey
Body:

Hey Torrey - no problem, details of our latest project is below!

Awesome! Okay, it's pretty intense, but like--I really do think you are open minded and creative enough for it. I really do look at it as an art-form, and I think you would be perfect, since you seem really fun.

Okay well, I'm really just going to tell you what this whole thing is about. It's pretty intense, but bear with me...

You'll be showcasing your feet, for one. Since feet are among the most unappreciated part of a girl's body, I bring out the beautiful and sensual aspects of them :). Don't worry, we'll totally hook you up with a pedicure and anything you need for the shoot :)

We showcase them by doing Video Clips.

Video Clip work focuses on them and pretty much the skill and finesse behind them! This is really laid-back, less difficult, and makes 100% of our current sales. It's really a fun experience and it's amazing.

There is no nudity, and you don't have to show your face. To be straight-forward, you're going to perform a footjob (I know, it sounds intense). It's like a handjob, but you use your feet anyway you want to bring it to climax :] (it requires a lot of skill, but you'll get the hang of it)

It's quite interesting, cute, and fun, Out customers are from Germany, France, UK, and most of Europe. Only your hands and feet will be involved. :P

This is just a fun experience and it's really flexible and I'm open to whatever you are comfortable with :). This is just a laid-back, enjoyable experience that's behind closed doors. It's strictly sensitive material, but it really bonds everyone as friends, and you get compensated for each set and make commission if you stay an active model :].

Anyway, we all have fun with it, the art is appreciated, and it's cute as hell, we all get paid, and it's fun! I'll tell you more if you're still interested.

I know it might seem weird coming from someone you don't really know, but like, I guess we can do lunch- maybe to break the awkwardness of it all haha. I live near garden state mall.

-David



HA. gross.

so, uh. don't drink beer and try and tackle your boyfriend's friend, okay? even if he is smaller than you. you might break an ankle. like me!

the thing hurts like a motherfucker. i'm on crutches for 4 weeks. it's a clean break, so i'm not in a cast...yet. it's beyond a fracture, it's a freaking BREAK. i'm going to get a second opinion (hopefully today), because i really think the bone needs to be set, but i'm no doctor...i still think it should be looked at. i've got the xrays on picture cd. maybe i'll show em to you guys...good times!

what am i going to do about all the chem shows coming up? talking to a few certain manboys to see if they can hook a gimpy sister up, that's what.

on a sorta funny note--i dumbly took two percocet (prescribed, relax!) before work. ha. i've been sorta stoned all morning.

hi brandon!!!!


BOOBS!!!!

i've been accepted to be a suicidegirl.

yes, i had to submit photos.

no, i wasn't completely naked. 

i'll keep you posted.

...did i start doing hair for scene queen wannabes (and futt and fannie. ha!) exclusively? this is great...just fab. 

on my day off (after i land from chicago at 11am on monday) i'm doing hair for the audrey kitching wannabe...again. blonde with blue underneath and purple pieces on the side. oooookay. AND, of course, she's doing a shoot for new york couture the next day. cool that my hair is going to be in an ad (not that it'll be credited or anything). weird that i have to hang with a kitching wannabe for 4.5 hours while i get close to her scalp. 

i don't wanna go back to africa alone anymore. brandon and i are going to a jazz club on thursday and staying overnight and i'm making him stand behind me. and walk me everywhere. 

i keep having these mental images where i'm back on the stoop with my keys in hand and the guy comes back and decides to mug/rape/insert heinous act here me because he didn't get the chance before. 

freaking out. and i kinda wanna puke. and never wear skirts in nyc again. gross.

sigh.

well, it's been a long 72 hours. thursday night tai show was oh-so fun. it started with me arriving late to dallas drinkbq. after drinks the size of you head, nyjess, lauren, futt, fannie and i headed to hard rock. tai was great, even the new stuff wasn't TOO bad. thank god for no ballads. the fact that i had four or five drinks at hard rock could've also helped their sound. not gonna lie. we did the "almost here" run-dance and we surmise we were taped for tai's buzznet page. just great.

after the show, on shawna's insider recommendation, we headed to snitch for the tai afterparty (?). even if tai didn't show up (which, they did) it woulda been awesome. we watched some horrible metal band....named hardware?, drank more and eventually danced to awesome eighties songs AND g-a-b-e's rendition of 'hollaback boy' on the stage with butcher. amazing. erica also settled her resolution and confronted billiam. way to go. sidenote: jess and i ran into julia from fuse's 'uranium' in the bathroom. interesting...i guess.

so, jess left around 1230 and fan, futt and i headed out at 130. while i was in the bathroom and then eventually talking to mark, the awesome, huge, bouncer about coming books, futt and fan talked to siska and apparently had a great, seminormal conversation. woo.  it woulda been nice to chat up the hot australian list-guy, but hey, i'll settle for heavily involved in comic book large men. it's cool.

i took the train back to my step dad's apartment, and everything was fine. until i started fishing for my keys and A MAN CAME UP BEHIND ME AND STARTED LOOKING UNDER MY SKIRT. i had no idea he was there, as i was listening to my ipod (as everyone tends to do while walking in the city), and i turned around one more time to make sure i was alone. and sure enough! I WASN'T. i screamed like a beast, seriously, twice and as he took off down the street running i screamed "you're a shithead, go to hell you son of a bitch, fuck you, you shithead, etc."  if i hadn't turned around he would've followed me into my apartment and done much worse than looking up my skirt. seriously. PLEASE be careful. don't listen to your ipod when you walk alone at night. you probably shouldn't be walking alone at night anyway. have your keys ready and take them out before you leave the train/cab. BE CAREFUL. i know i will be from now on.

i walked up the stairs to the apartment thinking, 'man, some people are really sick, wtf is wrong with him? what an ass.' then, i got to the apartment and started to bawl uncontrollably. i was scared outta my mind and there was no way i was sleeping there alone. my stepfather thankfully came to get me and i followed him home in my car. i got back to nj and fell asleep finally at about 430 am.

fast forward three hours and i was awakened by a completely different scary issue, which has calmed down. thank goodness for everyone being okay.

later on friday i did an aspiring  model's extensions. pink and blonde. took four hours. i couldn't be happier having my mind off all the shit that had happened in the past twelve hours. and, i made 250 bucks. that's always nice. and she was very pleasant and not awkward as sometimes hanging out with strangers at your house can be. (we watched three hours of viva la bam and then the brady bunch movie.)

after extensions, a nap, some dinner, a run and figuring out ticket-pickup logistic's with sha's parents, i headed down to rutgers, with a pitstop off of exit 14 on the nj turnpike to meet shawna's parents to get the taking back sunday tickets for the next day. after he got off work, brandon and i headed to a toga party at which my peacoat was stolen. awesome. i cried. it was just, like, the last thing i needed to top off that day.

saturday, i woke up alone on brandon's couch as i had fallen asleep (no, not passed out) the night before when we got home. i made my way to his room and he was clearly upset with me. soooo, i woke up on saturday in a fight. fabulous. he had an attitude, i took an attitude cuz he had one and we blew up at each other. we finally talked things out (i voiced my laundry list of complaints...yes!) and we had  a wonderful afternoon.

that wonderful afternoon carried on to a wonderful evening with futt in atlantic city. i picked her up at the train in new brunswick, we picked up various things at sbux and meandered down south. we checked into the holiday inn, changed into our recently dubbed "scene jap" clothing and took a cab to hob. it's located int the showboat casino and when we walked in, we were greeted by a man on stilts and a girl on a balance ball. we picked our way to the back where hob was and took our spots in the back of the floor. we grabbed the requisite drinks (i think i had five beers during the course of tbs' set) and danced along to tbs. we made a friend in front of us who would chime in to our singing every so often and proclaimed to his friends: "no one is  a fan like we are fans! i did a newspaper interview with them!" yes, clearly in your drunken haze YOU are taking back sunday's biggest fan. sure thing. later in the evening some tall man decided to booty dance into me. when i didn't return the favor he gave me a quizzical look and walked away. woops.

after the show, and the clusterfuck of trying to exit the building, we took a cab to the borgata because i HAD to check it out. and i wanted to go to mur.mur the night club. well, we woulda gone into mur.mur and mixx, the bar/lounge, but there was a 20 dollar cover for both. in between checking out both venues, which we decided against cuz it wasn't our scene (ha.)we played some game, i have NO idea what and i won 17 dollars and futt won about 22 (?). she won on a snack themed machine and i won on a pharaoh themed one which i chose cuz it was passover.

after taking against the clubs, we went down to the cafeteria for teriyaki chicken and ice cream to take home. the ben and jerry's there stays open until 3 am. and the guy behind the counter, alex, was quite nice.

the next day, being the jews we are, we had easter brunch at the holiday inn. a woman gave us a free buffet coupon, so it was two for one. score. we ate and then headed to the outlets for some shopping. we both picked up cute dresses at h&m and made friends in pacsun. i was checking out shoes and a guy in a pink shirt who worked there came over and a. told me to buy the sweater i had in my hands and b. told me my hair was 'so metal' and proceeded to pull my bangs over my left eye more so than they already were. "you need to look scene to shop here" is what he told me. as we were paying he also told me he was going to become my stalker. score. i've always wanted one of those.  futt and i got very similar sweaters (mines blue and white, hers is lavendar and blue) independently (she found me in the back of the store and asked what i thought of hers and then i held up mine. i told her i liked it.). she also picked up white leather flats. adorable).

we made the needed starbucks run on our way back to the car in the applebees parking lot, in which the attendant told us he wouldn't charge us the ten bucks it was to park because it was easter and he didn't wanna work, and were on our way back to north jersey. i dropped her at the train and headed home to scour my bathtub with comet to get rid of the pink stains my hair has left behind. i then grated two blocks of cheese for home made mac and cheese that i have just finished. brandon is over at the moment and he and my family and i are watching the princess bride. a good way to wind down after a fun then scary then back to fun again weekend.

phew.

reporting to you live from the production control room in the cnbc newsroom, it's me. i've become so apathetic. my executive producer storms in here and starts interrogating me about something that a segment producer forgot to do. now, i watched these two graphics go untitled all day, i could've said something, but i'm sick and tired of babysitting people who are ten years older than i am and have about that much more experience than i do as well. sod off and figure out your damn job by yourself. then, a promo for another show was late getting into the control room. i could've called the graphics department...if i cared. which, i clearly don't. when brad (the other news associate) and i order a promo and it's not in the control room at the time it needs to be, we get contacted and we have to deal with the graphics department. now, if the show after us has a promo and it's not in, their news associate (who i grew up with) doesn't get blamed, i do. now, that just doesn't seem fair. why aren't you yelling at jesse, sir executive producer? you are ep for both of our shows, you know who he is.  go chew him out. 

i don't mean to sound self-important, but it seems that everyone expects crap of brad and me and not anyone else. we're like, the elite news associates who have to cover everyone else's asses and who get blamed for everything all at once. it's fabulous really.


i've reached the point where i'm doing the bare minimum for the rest of the week. just deal with it.

who wants to trade jobs?

for sure. i'm a bitch. not a mean female. no more like, a-sure-you-can-take-advantage-of-me-in-the-prison-showers-bitch. only, i'm a cnbc/wall street journal report bitch. you need me to make tapes? you got it. but that's what interns are for. you need me to fedex something. okay. but why do you just hang around and talk while i'm doing all your inane errands? you need me to come into a control room on the other side of the building to set up stock charts for  a taping of a COMPLETELY DIFFERENT SHOW THAT IS NOWHERE NEAR TO BEING MY RESPONSIBILITY ?! fine. but then, you're going to yell at me while i'm trying to do you a fucking favor in the middle of my day. not okay. i can NOT wait until one producer in particular (who is a great person to hang out with, but a WRETCHED person to work with) goes on vacation for two weeks. seriously. it's like me going on vacation too. only maybe this time i'll get across the border. 


sometimes i really hate it here.

yep, your lovely lady from nj is back where she belongs and NOT in canada (though saosin or chiodos?--whoever i was stuck at the border with--were interesting) because my dad was convicted of second degree sexual assault in 1992. apparently, starting 2002, he coulda been "rehabilitated" (we still don't know what that REALLY means) and gotten back into the country, but we had no idea, so he didn't do it.

the great thing is that we've gone to canada twice since '03 but this time as we were driving through customs they asked us if we had ever been arrested/convicted of any crimes, i, obviously, said no. my dad told the truth as honest people are wont to do and we were taken into immigration. at that point, i noticed there was a tour bus and a trailer and i was like, you gotta be kidding. there's some band in customs. the taste of chaos tour is tonight in montreal, so it was a band on that tour. i walk in and there are skinny unwashed boys in tight jeans chillin on the chairs with their manager. one of them was wearing pajamas and that was a little disturbing. so, we give our passports to the official and she runs our records. i have nothing in my fbi record, but of course, my dad does. (backstory: he was convicted of rape in 1992. he used to work at a local hospital--he's an anesthesiologist (i still don't know how to spell that)--and a patient accused him of raping her in the recovery room. he DIDN'T rape her, but he did have sex with her. (i never said my father was a SMART man) they went to trial and he--clearly--lost and served 6 mos. in country jail and then 4.5 years in a facility for male sex offenders in NJ. another weird facet of this story? the judge who sentenced my dad is now the judicial analyst on fox news channel. i seriously wish i had the imagination to make this shit up.)

so yeah, we're in customs and they take my dad into some backroom to interview him. the official we had originally spoken with bothered to put on her bullet proof vest, just in case we decided to shoot her or something...cuz we're smooth criminals like that. so, he comes back out and was like, they even have my fbi file wrong as it says i was ARRESTED in 1993, instead of CONVICTED in 1992--good to know our intelligence agencies are on point, right?

we're still sitting around and the official asks for my registration. so i go and get it and give it to her. she comes back out (this whole thing took about 45 minutes...quality time with saosin?) and is like, sir, we can't let you into the country. okay, that's great. so she (seriously) tells us she entered my plate number to every border stop across the US and canada, so don't even THINK about trying to drive to a different border point to get across. damn. there goes the thought of driving to michigan to get over. i ask her if there's anything wrong with ME going to canada and she said, no, and i could still enter the country if i wanted to. ummm, hello? what am i supposed to do with my dad? ooookay lady, i'm gonna leave him here...be back in five days. dad: see you later. the nerve this woman had after we repeatedly told her we were on a father daughter trip to say something like that was a little snot-nosed. but whatever...i really hope she leaves her job happy every night.

defeated we turn around and literally for the next 6 hours (as long as it takes to get from NJ to the canadian border) we crafted ways to try and sneak across the border next time. my dad was gonna army crawl across at one point.

i'm back in nj and i really need a drink. and word to the wise: just lie when you're going through customs. seriously.

dudes. 

where do i work? i technically work at cnbc...america's business network, first in business news. blah blah. but! i can get away with magenta hair, misfits teeshirts and chucks. stephen collins, the dad from 7th heaven is on our air right now. i am writing a live journal message. and the two other news associates i work with and i are all watching the price is right. i spend a lot of the day on ebay, myspace, gmail and gawker (and now lj? darkside!) seriously. business news has its privileges.

i guess i'm learning some stuff at work, which is a good thing. it's routine, but i could TOTALLY tell you where to put your money. well, technically i can't. but i totally could...know what i mean?

tonight i'm meeting up with futt to see her pmom and our friend abby in manhattan for dinner and the miss usa (see ya later tara connor) pagaent. and then maybe fannie and english boy (just so i can a. see him and b. hit him for not knowing fannie's name) for drinks. then on to rutgers.

also, finally this weekend, no more long runs! njjess and i are training for the boston marathon and it's in like, 3.5 weeks (fuuuuck me) and we don't have to do a 20mi training run ever again. thank god. 

taste of chaos tomorrow. ski trip for a week on monday!